Healthy Snack Sucks
There are a lot of really overweight kids in this country. It is a true statement, and a sad one, because it is really the easiest to be thin when you are 5 – you know when running around the yard at top speed for two hours isn’t a chore, but a favored past time. But the truth of the matter is, that that our kids are not overweight because Max brought cupcakes to school for his birthday, or because they had ice cream after lunch on a hot summer day. Today, it was our turn to bring in snack. Okay – cool. I can swing that. I went to the food store, I got ingredients, I googled (yes!!) the recipe, I was set. Max and I made the cutest little cupcakes with oreo ears to look like panda cupcakes (HELLO!?! MOM OF THE YEAR AWARD). Anyhow, all joyous and bubbly we bounce into school this morning with a cupcake tower and enough panda cupcakes for a wildlife preserve scene. I proudly walk up to the teacher to give her the cupcakes (did I mention we even colored coconut to be the color green to look like bambo?! I know so cute right!?) Anyway, we walk up to Miss B, and you know what she says?! Not wow, not how cute, she didn’t even praise me for my fine attention to my children (bitch LOL) but says this is not “healthy snack”. I was then told healthy snack is carrots, wheat germ, organic asparagus, etc. Okay seriously WTF?! I have to bring in celery for Max and Ty’s birthday instead of a cupcake because some lazy ass mother gives her kids McDonalds five times a day, and his best sport is video games?! Yeah, I am sure for this kid, my CUPCAKE IS REALLY THE PROBLEM…riiiiight. Are you serious? My ONE cupcake is the nail in the coffin?! Of course, I voiced my opinion rather politely and you know what happened of course. The teacher stood firm, I bought carrot sticks and Max cried. (Then Ty started to cry reminding me how fun it is that when there is a birthday dissappointment we get it times two with twins!!) Rest assured however, that when their crying stopped I told him we will be having Panda cupcakes for dinner. All 20 of them. So go ahead – call Deyfus now…my kids eat cupcakes and I think “healthy snack” sucks.
Back to Cool….
I fully recognize that I have some emotional issues because any mother that refuses to let her poor three year old daughter get the Dora backpack she wants because it is a “cheesy cartoon character” has some serious issues. I believe I was hugged enough as a child, I have my own sense of “fashion identity”, I am pretty secure in myself – I don’t have an overwhelming sense of self-loathing, but something inside me just can’t do it. I ask myself ”Why do I REALLY care!?”
With it soon being time to go back to school, we decided it was time to get a backpack. Yeah, I know, a little late since every other mother bought them like fourth of July weekend, but hey, we work on a 24 hour schedule in this house – if it doesn’t have to be dealt with in the next day, we are not even THINKING about it.
So we roll into an adorable little boutique for girls. You know one of those stores where you know you are going to pay 5 times what something is worth, but you are just so damned psyched to have a girly girl you could care less?! Anyway Avery immediately spots the most horrific backpack ever and is like “THIS ONE MOMMY!” Really!? THAT ONE!? I mean what do you think was the most appealing characteristic? The shiny, Made-in-China plastic that was so cheaply made it just SMELLED toxic, or the bright fuschia and hot pink combo that just “popped” off flaming orange background, or the giant Dora next to the word “Vamanos”!!! To make it even MORE unappealing (if that is possible!), this backpack was the only total cheese ball one. This little “gem” was surrounded by the most adorable backpacks – ones with hand stitched bunny rabbits, and quilted patterns in soft pinks and blue, and little polka dot and ribbon combos…WHY AVERY WHY!??!
So I did what any good, well adjust mother would do. I negotiated and made an offer she could not refuse. I told her to pick any toy out in the store she wanted, she could sleep in my bed that night and just to seal the deal without a tantrum I even through in ice cream on the way home. I then I bought the backpack I wanted….and called my therapist about my self-esteem issues.
