10 days to go…

Went great except for the fact that I had three children witness and internal. I have some concerns about the boys exposure so young to my legs being spread, a light placed there, and stirrups that look like a torture device. You do realize that they will never remember the countless art projects, baking, days at the zoo that their childhood as contained. It will be that moment – the pap smear like event they witnessed that they will remember clear as day.  

Normally my doc does not do them but she wanted me to get the Strep B test for some reason (even though I am delivering via c-section). The kids were great though – thank goodness. Every once in a while God has some mercy!

So I gained 2 lbs in the past 2.5 weeks. So for the pregnancy that puts me at 31 lbs or so. I am fine with that…. Long as i have this baby healthy and happy that is the small stuff! (See how great denial is!?)

The beat was good, I measured at 34 weeks and she told me my cervix is still long and closed..go figure. 

I am definetely totally nervous about stillbirth and check the beat a lot more now because i don’t feel as much movement. My doctor said that is totally normal so I am trying not to freak. LOL. I can NOT believe I have about 10 days to go and he should be here!!!!!

My OBGYN does crack

He must. Because that is the ONLY way to explain what he said to me today.

In my meeting with my high risk fetal doctor, I had the biggest laugh of my life. This is of course, a very nice change of pace since most of my appointments with him in the past have ending with crying, hysteria, and just plain madness. (And if that is how HE was acting imagine my reaction! ) Anyway, today he said the funniest thing I possibly even heard: He said “This is such great news…You are doing so well, everything is holding fine. I am so happy to see you can do this and you should be so happy to know you no longer need a surrogate next time.”

UM…wait what!?  I don’t need a surrogate NEXT TIME!? Has this man seen one too many whoo-haas and gone insane!? He is very well aware we have three children at home, one that is less than two months away from birth… I am counting FOUR kids here people..did this guy fail math? Does he think that only adds up to one or two!?  

So I told him  ”Doc, if I am ever pregnant again, the only thing I am going to ask you for is a bullet, and the only stitches perform would be in my autopsy.”  

UM we are done. DONE. YOU HEAR ME !???!

Blocking the bar : Breastfeeding Covers

 So with three toddlers to chase, and a baby to feed this all is going to add up to disaster. I can just see myself trying to push a cart at Target, feeding the baby, and screaming at the other three to PAY ATTENTION. Then I will probably have Max and Ty lifting the blanket I am desperately trying to cover my “girly bits “with. I am thinking using just a little blanket to cover myself is soooo not going to work.  I just ordered a  Peanut Shell Breastfeeding Cover and I think it is pretty rad. I feel all hippie chic pregnant. It is defintely great to have it attached so that I have an extra hand free and don’t have to try to move around to keep the blanket up. Been there, done that with the twins and it did NOT work out. I flashed more people breastfeeding than a stripper at a peep show (and I didn’t get a buck out of it!)  I LOVE LOVE LOVE their hippie dippie slings (Baby Bjorn STINKS!!). The patterns are so damn cute, and not queer.  Oh my God Kate Hudon is sooo going to want to be ME.

Peas in the Pod Baby Shower Activity Ideas and Games

Women in nearly all cultures have a tradition for celebrating the mother to be and soon to be born new baby. In the Navajo Native American tradition, a mother to be is sung over in a ceremony performed especially for expectant mothers. In this Native American culture, this is called the “dine bizzaad”, and is usually translated as a “Blessingway”.

One idea to make your baby shower fun is the create a peas in the pod activities for your guests or as some like to call them baby shower games. One such games is Name that Baby Food. The way it works is: you buy eight jars of baby fruits or vegetable. You cover each jar’s label with paper and number each jar. To play, you have to give each player a paper plate, a spoon and a pencil. Ask her to write the numbers 1 to 8 around the rim of the plate. Then stick a baby spoon in each jar and have the players pass the first jar around and place a spoonful of its contents near the number 1 on their plates. Then just repeat the process for all the baby food jars and ask the players to write down what they think each baby food is near the corresponding number on their plate.

Award a baby shower favors to the guests who get the most correct answers.

If you want to make this game even more challenging, choose baby foods that combine more than one fruit or vegetable in each jar.

So there you, these are some great baby shower games to entertain your guests and even have some fun for yourself. Your guests will love these ideas and activities and may actually enjoy going to more baby showers you host. Stay tuned for some ideas on how to create a theme for your baby shower gifts such as those baby gift baskets and baby gifts that your guests will bring and you can be sure the mom to be will be put them to good use.

Baby Chiquita

I found my unborn baby in the produce section………….Okay I am just kidding…don’t get scared.

There are a lot of things that I find really weird about pregnancy, for example the way most of my books about pregnancy describe the baby as it develops. Am I the only one that has noticed that whoever is creating these baby development books has a serious fruit fetish!?

First my baby is the size of a raisin, then a grape, then a pear, then a small plum, then a lemon, then a large grapefruit, then a melon….I am terrified now to go to the produce aisle for fear that I will be eating something that reminds me of the baby. I don’t even want to look at a fruit salad…now that idea just seems horrific to me. It  makes me think of those guys from the fruit of the Loom commercials – the giant fruit with big hands and feet and smiley faces.

The one book I do have that is totally amazing because it does not describe the baby as any sort of fruit or veggie is called From Conception to Birth: A Life Unfolds. This book is very different from the What to Expect books or Your Pregnancy Week by Week. Instead of taking about your baby in terms of the food pyramid, it actually shows images of a baby – from one cell through nine months. Granted the baby does at times look like a shrimp, and then kind of a mutant so he/she may not be as “cute” as you are picturing at 5 or 6 weeks but it is AWESOME to see what your little person-to-be ACTUALLY looks like. Some of the photos are digitally enhanced, some are taken using MRI and other imaging machines, but they are not harmful to the baby. Unfortunately, I bought a different book that claimed to be showing the same thing as this one, but it was really meant more for medical students. The images were not appropriate for an expectant mother so just be careful you buy the right one!

This book however, is like getting to peek through your belly button..without all the calories of fruit salad.

A little hormonal

I don’t know how or why but I am amazingly calm. I don’t know what will happen, how this pregnancy will end, but today, I am just grateful for the day and for the three beautiful healthy children I have. I can’t say I know what the road ahead holds for me or this baby, but where we are. I am going to enjoy every single moment I am pregnant. Someting miracluous had to happen for this to have happened, and even if all I get is a pregnancy, and no baby at the end, I will have to take this as the blessing that it is. I never again thought I would be pregnant. And never would have chosen this because of what happened to my first baby and little Avery.  I can not say I am not afraid for this baby, but I also know I did not choose this, I would have not been having this baby with a surrogate now, and so truth be told I am the ONLY person this baby would have a shot at life with. God knows we were certainly not planning on having another right now. The boys are little monsters…..they are 21 months for God’s sake! Ironically as we flew home from Aruba, all Vin and I talked about was that we were done, that we have our beautiful three healthy children and we were so happy and probably not going to go for number 4. At the same time we were having that conversation I was already pregnant.

So for the realities and medical situation. The good news is they *think* I will go further than I did with Avery as I seem to go further each time. I have been told that every pregnancy is different, that it is four years later (as opposed to my other pregnancies that completely overlapped) and so it is possible I could even go to term. I am not so dilusional I believe that, yet I think of the women here, Jelly especially on all those times it didn’t work and how suddenly it did. If I went the same amount of time more with this baby than I did from my first baby to Avery I will go to 28 or 29 weeks. I have a 29 weeker and I will flip cartwheels.

We have a long way to go. My due date is ironically the day all three of my children were christened – July 29th. I don’t even have a beat yet, or have had the nuchal or any of the other 10 million tests we do!

Until then I will be doing the usual…spending most of my time teatering on the edge of a  nervous breakdown, peeing 100 times a day, but being afraid to go to the bathroom for fear of there being any blood, and reading which size fruit my baby is.

Maybe it is just milaria?!

Am I what?!

Okay I know this should not be that much of a suprise since this is not my first baby, I am not 12 and I now how all of this works but I am…Without going into too much detail, I was off the pill for less than 2 weeks. My doctor said that the migraine headaches I was getting from the pill could be dangerous and I should switch to a lower dose pill. Fine. Great. Awesome. The odds of getting pregnant – slim to none. 1. Because I barely even see my husband, let alone see him naked and 2. I was resuming the pill in 10 minutes.

Well fast forward. This morning Vin heats up sausage as I am in my office and I think I stuck my entire head inside of a sausage factory. I almost vomit. I tell him to get me a test immediately. He thinks I am nuts. I think I MUST be pregnant.

I am. Now this is not scary because I will have 4 kids under 5…(WHAT – WAIT!?! I will have FOUR kids under five!?) but that I was told to never ever ever get pregnant. I almost died, no seriously, ICU the whole bit twice before and this is not a small deal.

If you can’t tell, I am kind of freaking out. As you may know, my first daughter died from her premature birth, Avery was only 1 lb, the twins were carried by a surrogate. I know how this happened but HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!??!

I need a drink. Wait I can’t drink.
I need a Xanex. Wait I can’t take drugs.
I need to jump off a building. Wait I can’t hurt the baby.

I quit.

My baby is hot

I can NOT believe it. I am getting more paranoid now of course about still birth, and cord stuff – so my doppler is out like every hour if I don’t feel the baby, I guess I feel like I am SOOO close right now, I just don’t want it to go bad now.

I Had a SHOWER THIS WEEKEND!! LOL I was actually suprised. My mom hosted an English Tea for me at a Tea House. It was fairly small (come on I am on like my 700th kid how could it be big!? LOL) I wasn’t registered but I amazingly got a lot of really nice things I could use and had very little to return. I wasn’t too emotional until I went to thank everyone for coming and for the gifts and soon as I said “I really appreciate this so much..this is really a big deal for me” I started to cry a little. Then of course everyone ELSE started to cry so you know that is the sign of a great party. A hysterical host and sobbing guests….Randy.

The nursery is done, the car seat is installed, the bags are packed, the bassinet is set up, the cradle is ready….all I need now is the baby! WHO BY THE WAY HAS A NAME FOR SURE!!!!

We will be doing Chase. I think it is a hot guy name plus I think it goes the best with Avery Max and Ty. I mean I know most women look for names that are strong, or Biblical or have deep family meaning. Me? I go for hot.  And really, isn’t that what every unborn child is worried about?

Here comes the bridesmaid (STOMP STOMP STOMP)

As the weather grows warmer and warmer, the panic begins to set in that soon I will no longer be able to hide the sins of lingering pregnancy weight with things like over sized sweaters, and black leggings and high boots. That slimming little combo has hepled me delude countless friends and family into believing I HAVE lost all my pregnancy weight and that I look great for someone that has been pregnant so recently. (Ps – how long do you get to call it pregnancy weight for? When do I own this mess?)

The truth is, I have the wrong friends for my dress size. I know we are supposed to love our girlfriends unconditionally but truthfully, I hate those skinny bitches. Okay, I am kidding, but really their bodies are all wrong for my self-esteem.  Of all of my college and early career friends I am one of the very few that are married, I am the ONLY one that has yet to have children. (Let alone a litter of them).  This means, sadly, I am still trying to keep up with a crowd that believes a size 6 is …..HUGE. (No seriously its not their fault – they have been brainwashed by things like billboards in Time Square and US Weekly  and Nicole Richie.)

So with this in mind, you can imagine my joy when one of them announces they are getting married and oh goody for me, I get to be in the wedding and stand next to ALL OF THEM IN PICTURES. Let’s talk a look at that pic shall we? Size 0, Size 00, Size 2, Size 00 (-10), Size 2 and then……….ME.  Yeah cause it is seriously flattering and highly exciting to be wearing a fuschia cocktail length gown, standing next to chicks that are so damn skinny if they swallowed a grape you would probably SEE it through the dress. I am seriously considering accessorizing my gown with a button like (I had kids they didn’t) or permanently attaching one of the twins to me so everyone can see for themselves there is reason for my larger size.  You can tell me – would it be wrong to be actually breastfeeding one of the babies as I walk down the aisle? Too subtle? Not enough to drive the point home?

So the wedding is in three weeks. Pale Mint. I know so flattering – really thrilled about it. Even more thrilled about the other three bridesmaids that told me at the shower they REALLY need to loose weight before the photographer captures their image. (I guess they are going for completely invisible.)  I, of course, did the whole “OMG you are so skinny you totally don’t have to” as is stated in my girlfriend contract, and then I of course,  totally agreed I had to do the same.

Then I went home and ate the rest of my kid’s french fries to make myself feel better. Then I cried. (And ordered the button in a color that will compliment my mint dress perfectly).

248 Months Pregnant

I met someone today that is pregnant with a 4 1/2 year old. Okay well not quite but sometimes I think people really need to cut the cord. Today, at Avery’s swim class we were discussing the best nursery schools in the area and where we needed to send our future rocket scientists. (Of course because we all know the right nursery school is CRUCIAL to getting into Harvard Business School….sigh) Anyway, one mother (Bless her soul) turns to me and says, she is so nervous about sending her kid in the fall because she is yet to leave him. I thought she meant her two year old that was on her lap. Um….no…she was referring to her nearly 5 year old son. I nearly fell off my chair. Don’t get my wrong – my husband and I are not jetting off to any tropical islands and leaving our kids with the au pair, but for God’s sakes are you serious!? This kid is almost 5 years old and the mother hasn’t even left him for two hours!?? What?!! As I tried to swallow my (horror, confusion, disdain, etc.) for this weird clinginess, I began to ask some questions. I was like “Wow really, he hasn’t started school?” and she said (OMG GET THIS!!!) “Well he would have loved to but I just wasn’t ready yet…I mean I gave up my career to be home with him, so if I am going to be home he is too.” Okay, where do I begin with how scary this mentality is!?

I mean, really. You are punishing your kid because you decided to be a stay at home mom?! What kind of mother holds back her child in any capacity because it is best for their emotional needs? And I wonder how long does this rule stay in place? I mean when he is 17 will he be allowed to go out or is only allowed on dates when mommy can come? ou think I am kidding but could you imagine being this woman’s daughter in law. Scary.

All I could think of, as she went on and on about she knows she is going to cry her eyes out the first day of preschool (you know when he is 9 years old ), is the long road this poor little boy has ahead of him. Hasn’t she heard of the butterfly…you know if you love something let it go blah blah blah ?  Please, if I ever start pulling crap like this with my children, I want you to slap me. There is a reason why  kids are supposed to hang on to your ankles and not the other way around. It is pretty hard for a 35 lb kid to drag a 140 lb women…literally, and figuratively.

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