Save the Parking Spots

There are moments in any average day that I feel convinced the world is coming to an end. It usually is not big things like the threat of a major terrorist attack or some new virus but little things like what happened at the mall today. A dreary New Jersey day, and a bunch of errands to run, I knew my mission was clear. Where else would go? The home of Bloomies, a food court and endless children’s stores. As I slowly rolled through the parking lot, in my house-sized, black SUV, I looked at a very full parking lot, and realized pretty much every other mom in the burbs had the same plan. (Did NO ONE think to text me…sheesh?!) Anyhow, I see a spot, not even a prime location spot – you know one where I would still be completely drenched as opposed to slightly water logged by the time I got my four kids out of the car and into the Neiman’s foyer. As I begin the workout that it takes to turn my humungus steering wheel, an older lady, (okay I was still being nice here but I really mean OLD like 70s old) floors her silver, foreign made coup and cuts me off to take the spot. At first I am almost too shocked to react – face it there is some comedic material here – I mean nice to see the old girl has some spunk to her. But just as I am about to give her a confused look, or at least show SOME form of dissapproval for her cutting me off, she rolls down her window to say something. Now, I am so stupid I think she may be offering to give me the spot or at least apologize, when she FLIPS OUT. I mean seriously, like if she were a cartoon there would have been smoke coming out from her little ears that are surrounded by that blueish shade of silver hair, and her face would have been like the color of tomato. Grandma was FURIOUS with me. I mean swearing like a sailor, finger pointing, telling me how she was waiting for that spot – (she must have been psychically aware of the spot from the row before). I am not a push over, and I certainly like for my kids to see me stand up for myself but I was so shocked, and flustered, I just mumbled “sorry”. I then proceeded to spend my shopping trip doing 2 things – 1. constantly scanning the crowd terrified I was going to run into her becuase for some reason I was afraid to and 2. thinking of all the thing I SHOULD have said. Maybe I was nervous because if I did run into her, I would actually have to say something and I HATE confrontation. In the end, though I realized that if the world is coming to an end, parking spots should be saved first.

So today I told someone I hadn’t seen in a long time that we had just had twin boys in March. Instead of the obligatory “congratulations” that comes with pretending to be happy for someone who has a baby you could care less about, I got “oh really I always thought of you as a ‘girl’ mom”. Um okay, well technically speaking I am a “girl mom” cause last I checked I didn’t loose my vagina in the process of finding out I was having a son. But I have to admit this is not the first time I heard this discussion which brings me to my next point. What is up with the gender thing? I mean in case you haven’t noticed we kind of have evolved from that Father Knows Best (Really?! Cause sometimes I think Father doesn’t even know where the diapers are) generation where boys are the ONLY ones that play sports and only girls have dolls, and there is some huge difference. Hell, I think when I got to my local mall that the boys look more like girls than most of the girls do. The girls look like 12 year old boys with their anorexic stick figures, hair chopped a la Posh Spice, and sneaker/skinny jean/mascara combo. And the boys look like 12 year old boys with their aneroxic stick figures, hair chopped a la Posh Spice and sneaker/jean mascara combo. See my point? I am just as likely to have some Emo son rocking my Maybelline these days as a daughter. (In fact, my teenage daughter will probably be more likeley to STAB with with the mascara wand than use it). But seriously people, maybe back in the day (as in 1920, not 1990) girls used to stay close to their own family and boys would go off with that family but hello? I think today kids are closer to the parents that don’t look like a preview for Jerry Springer, and whoever is the least pain in the ass. Families are so disfunctional whoever can put on the most normal appearance probably “wins” the kids for the holiday. So when you find out you are having one or the other remember – each child is so much more than their gender, and personality plays more of a role in your relationship than anything. Trust me, you will be able to be annoyed …um I mean love…your daughter or son just as much as your daughter or son. So I told the lady what any self respecting mother of boys would say “Well I was never really a ‘girl mom’ until I had the operation anyway”.

Holiday Drama offers great lesson to all…