Blocking the bar : Breastfeeding Covers

 So with three toddlers to chase, and a baby to feed this all is going to add up to disaster. I can just see myself trying to push a cart at Target, feeding the baby, and screaming at the other three to PAY ATTENTION. Then I will probably have Max and Ty lifting the blanket I am desperately trying to cover my “girly bits “with. I am thinking using just a little blanket to cover myself is soooo not going to work.  I just ordered a  Peanut Shell Breastfeeding Cover and I think it is pretty rad. I feel all hippie chic pregnant. It is defintely great to have it attached so that I have an extra hand free and don’t have to try to move around to keep the blanket up. Been there, done that with the twins and it did NOT work out. I flashed more people breastfeeding than a stripper at a peep show (and I didn’t get a buck out of it!)  I LOVE LOVE LOVE their hippie dippie slings (Baby Bjorn STINKS!!). The patterns are so damn cute, and not queer.  Oh my God Kate Hudon is sooo going to want to be ME.

Baby Chiquita

I found my unborn baby in the produce section………….Okay I am just kidding…don’t get scared.

There are a lot of things that I find really weird about pregnancy, for example the way most of my books about pregnancy describe the baby as it develops. Am I the only one that has noticed that whoever is creating these baby development books has a serious fruit fetish!?

First my baby is the size of a raisin, then a grape, then a pear, then a small plum, then a lemon, then a large grapefruit, then a melon….I am terrified now to go to the produce aisle for fear that I will be eating something that reminds me of the baby. I don’t even want to look at a fruit salad…now that idea just seems horrific to me. It  makes me think of those guys from the fruit of the Loom commercials – the giant fruit with big hands and feet and smiley faces.

The one book I do have that is totally amazing because it does not describe the baby as any sort of fruit or veggie is called From Conception to Birth: A Life Unfolds. This book is very different from the What to Expect books or Your Pregnancy Week by Week. Instead of taking about your baby in terms of the food pyramid, it actually shows images of a baby – from one cell through nine months. Granted the baby does at times look like a shrimp, and then kind of a mutant so he/she may not be as “cute” as you are picturing at 5 or 6 weeks but it is AWESOME to see what your little person-to-be ACTUALLY looks like. Some of the photos are digitally enhanced, some are taken using MRI and other imaging machines, but they are not harmful to the baby. Unfortunately, I bought a different book that claimed to be showing the same thing as this one, but it was really meant more for medical students. The images were not appropriate for an expectant mother so just be careful you buy the right one!

This book however, is like getting to peek through your belly button..without all the calories of fruit salad.

A little hormonal

I don’t know how or why but I am amazingly calm. I don’t know what will happen, how this pregnancy will end, but today, I am just grateful for the day and for the three beautiful healthy children I have. I can’t say I know what the road ahead holds for me or this baby, but where we are. I am going to enjoy every single moment I am pregnant. Someting miracluous had to happen for this to have happened, and even if all I get is a pregnancy, and no baby at the end, I will have to take this as the blessing that it is. I never again thought I would be pregnant. And never would have chosen this because of what happened to my first baby and little Avery.  I can not say I am not afraid for this baby, but I also know I did not choose this, I would have not been having this baby with a surrogate now, and so truth be told I am the ONLY person this baby would have a shot at life with. God knows we were certainly not planning on having another right now. The boys are little monsters…..they are 21 months for God’s sake! Ironically as we flew home from Aruba, all Vin and I talked about was that we were done, that we have our beautiful three healthy children and we were so happy and probably not going to go for number 4. At the same time we were having that conversation I was already pregnant.

So for the realities and medical situation. The good news is they *think* I will go further than I did with Avery as I seem to go further each time. I have been told that every pregnancy is different, that it is four years later (as opposed to my other pregnancies that completely overlapped) and so it is possible I could even go to term. I am not so dilusional I believe that, yet I think of the women here, Jelly especially on all those times it didn’t work and how suddenly it did. If I went the same amount of time more with this baby than I did from my first baby to Avery I will go to 28 or 29 weeks. I have a 29 weeker and I will flip cartwheels.

We have a long way to go. My due date is ironically the day all three of my children were christened – July 29th. I don’t even have a beat yet, or have had the nuchal or any of the other 10 million tests we do!

Until then I will be doing the usual…spending most of my time teatering on the edge of a  nervous breakdown, peeing 100 times a day, but being afraid to go to the bathroom for fear of there being any blood, and reading which size fruit my baby is.

Maybe it is just milaria?!

Am I what?!

Okay I know this should not be that much of a suprise since this is not my first baby, I am not 12 and I now how all of this works but I am…Without going into too much detail, I was off the pill for less than 2 weeks. My doctor said that the migraine headaches I was getting from the pill could be dangerous and I should switch to a lower dose pill. Fine. Great. Awesome. The odds of getting pregnant – slim to none. 1. Because I barely even see my husband, let alone see him naked and 2. I was resuming the pill in 10 minutes.

Well fast forward. This morning Vin heats up sausage as I am in my office and I think I stuck my entire head inside of a sausage factory. I almost vomit. I tell him to get me a test immediately. He thinks I am nuts. I think I MUST be pregnant.

I am. Now this is not scary because I will have 4 kids under 5…(WHAT – WAIT!?! I will have FOUR kids under five!?) but that I was told to never ever ever get pregnant. I almost died, no seriously, ICU the whole bit twice before and this is not a small deal.

If you can’t tell, I am kind of freaking out. As you may know, my first daughter died from her premature birth, Avery was only 1 lb, the twins were carried by a surrogate. I know how this happened but HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!??!

I need a drink. Wait I can’t drink.
I need a Xanex. Wait I can’t take drugs.
I need to jump off a building. Wait I can’t hurt the baby.

I quit.

My baby is hot

I can NOT believe it. I am getting more paranoid now of course about still birth, and cord stuff – so my doppler is out like every hour if I don’t feel the baby, I guess I feel like I am SOOO close right now, I just don’t want it to go bad now.

I Had a SHOWER THIS WEEKEND!! LOL I was actually suprised. My mom hosted an English Tea for me at a Tea House. It was fairly small (come on I am on like my 700th kid how could it be big!? LOL) I wasn’t registered but I amazingly got a lot of really nice things I could use and had very little to return. I wasn’t too emotional until I went to thank everyone for coming and for the gifts and soon as I said “I really appreciate this so much..this is really a big deal for me” I started to cry a little. Then of course everyone ELSE started to cry so you know that is the sign of a great party. A hysterical host and sobbing guests….Randy.

The nursery is done, the car seat is installed, the bags are packed, the bassinet is set up, the cradle is ready….all I need now is the baby! WHO BY THE WAY HAS A NAME FOR SURE!!!!

We will be doing Chase. I think it is a hot guy name plus I think it goes the best with Avery Max and Ty. I mean I know most women look for names that are strong, or Biblical or have deep family meaning. Me? I go for hot.  And really, isn’t that what every unborn child is worried about?

Mommy Boards: Not for the Average (Mama) Bear

Okay granted it may be confusing that these people intimidate me like they do but come on, let’s face it this blog is about laughing at myself. And frankly, it is all about HILARIOUS. It is written almost as a diary, and some gossip between us girlfriends. Hell, add a little face time, a few martinis and some Forever 21 clothing and this blog is a night out. But in searching for some basic recall information on a plastic peice of crap I bought for my child, I came accross these Mommy Board things. Am I a horrible mother becuase I would rather go for a pap smear that take and post pictures of my kids missing teeth or a “to do list for my weekend” or a “Max Funny”? I mean there are post counts next to members names and some of these people have some SERIOUS time on their hands. I mean 25,703 posts about your kids potty training tips, clothing sizes, and little “funny stories”?? (Note to self: Find these women, capitalize on their time and energy, take over the world.) So of course, I realize there is nothing wrong with them (Um there are a lot more of THEM then there are of me, so I have to be the loser here right?) and I am seeing this as my own shortcomings. What does any Type A yuppie mother with something to prove to herself (and the Mommy gods) do? I joined. I came up with a clever little name, I even used the letters of my kids names to be all cute (MOM POINTS!!). I was going to be like these women who were ALL ABOUT THE KIDS, I was in it, I tried to post and….NOTHING. Seriously, nothing. (I know right!? Here I have so much to say what happened?) I couldn’t do it. I felt like posting on that board was the proverbial taking pictures out of your wallet in a store and going “SEE?! SEE HOW CUTE MY KIDS ARE/WHAT A GREAT MOM I AM?” So I am sad to say friends, Mama2AMCT will be reserving her visits for the next time she buys more toxic toys for her kids….(I do love that recall section!)

So today I told someone I hadn’t seen in a long time that we had just had twin boys in March. Instead of the obligatory “congratulations” that comes with pretending to be happy for someone who has a baby you could care less about, I got “oh really I always thought of you as a ‘girl’ mom”. Um okay, well technically speaking I am a “girl mom” cause last I checked I didn’t loose my vagina in the process of finding out I was having a son. But I have to admit this is not the first time I heard this discussion which brings me to my next point. What is up with the gender thing? I mean in case you haven’t noticed we kind of have evolved from that Father Knows Best (Really?! Cause sometimes I think Father doesn’t even know where the diapers are) generation where boys are the ONLY ones that play sports and only girls have dolls, and there is some huge difference. Hell, I think when I got to my local mall that the boys look more like girls than most of the girls do. The girls look like 12 year old boys with their anorexic stick figures, hair chopped a la Posh Spice, and sneaker/skinny jean/mascara combo. And the boys look like 12 year old boys with their aneroxic stick figures, hair chopped a la Posh Spice and sneaker/jean mascara combo. See my point? I am just as likely to have some Emo son rocking my Maybelline these days as a daughter. (In fact, my teenage daughter will probably be more likeley to STAB with with the mascara wand than use it). But seriously people, maybe back in the day (as in 1920, not 1990) girls used to stay close to their own family and boys would go off with that family but hello? I think today kids are closer to the parents that don’t look like a preview for Jerry Springer, and whoever is the least pain in the ass. Families are so disfunctional whoever can put on the most normal appearance probably “wins” the kids for the holiday. So when you find out you are having one or the other remember – each child is so much more than their gender, and personality plays more of a role in your relationship than anything. Trust me, you will be able to be annoyed …um I mean love…your daughter or son just as much as your daughter or son. So I told the lady what any self respecting mother of boys would say “Well I was never really a ‘girl mom’ until I had the operation anyway”.

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