Fashion Failure: The Gap
Posted by Sarah on April 17, 2009 · Leave a Comment
So today I went to the Gap. See you don’t know it but that in itself is funny, because many closet clean outs ago, you know when I had some style I used to laugh my @ss off at people that shopped at the Gap. I never understood why anyone would pay $34.50 for a T-shirt. Now I totally get it. First off all the Gap used to be like this step down (you know what I am saying – you used to get the basics from the Gap because you didn’t want to pay $54.00 for a T-shirt from the places you bought your clothes at.) We only used to know the Gap for two reasons – it was wear like…um “MOM’s” shopped, and it was a hilarious skit on SNL (just get a belt and SYNCH IT!!!) Anyway, now Gap is the step up: because now we go to Old Navy for the basics. Don’t even pretend you don’t go there – you all know very well that their t-shirts are THREE for $34.50. Which means we no longer sit around and roll our eyes and call it cheap; We call our girlfriends to tell them about the sale so they can get ten pairs of toddler socks for $10.
So I went to the Gap because I decided I was so tired of looking frumpy and feeling like I wear the same thing all the time. As I walked into the store, I had visions of me buying a cheerful, springtime array of those dainty yellows, pale pinks, ocean blues. I was about to SJP it with matching flip flops and maybe even a headband just for that retro chic feel. The Gap looked like a box of Lucky Charms – all happy with the little shirts all in a row to make rainbows every where I turned. I loaded up. Once I got into that handicapped dressing room with the three kids and the baby stroller I was NOT coming out until I was looking like a maiden of the Spring – decked in cheerful array of warm colors. I envisioned the 6 foot posters in the front of the store with the smiling crew on them – Oh yeah, I was joining THAT club. (Side note: When you are wrestling with strollers trying to get into a dressing room, does it make you realize how tough it must be a handicapped person to get around? Do you know how freaking annoying it is to try to get those damn wheels through a tight spot holding 40 lbs of clothes in pastel colors while two other small people try to push past you at the same time?? Of course you do – your not my husband. LOL.) Anyway, I went in, and wrestled with it all – I exposed my bare behind to my three boys (all in an attempt NOT to embarrass them with ugly clothing in public), I unbuttoned, I rebuttoned, I sucked it in, I pulled it up and you know what I came out with?
My spring wardrobe now contains 4 black tank tops, 4 black t shirts, 4 black puffed sleeve t shirts and two pairs of pants in black and gray. Black. Black is it. Sure I tried on the pinks, the blues, the yellows. And they made me look cheerful, and all that but you know what the black ones made me look? SKINNIER. And that is what it all comes down to. Paris Hilton can rock the daisy print sundresses in lime, pink and yellow. Skinny wins out over fashionable every time these days.
I saw the sadness in the bouncy little sales girl’s eyes, as she picked up black shirt after black shirt that spit in the face of her lavender eyelet peasant skirts, and yellow crop jackets. It was as if with each black tank top, someone was taking the pin from her cheerful little “Ashley” name tag and was stabbing her with it. As she handed me the receipt, I had a hard time looking at her in the eye (not only because one of the twins was trying to see how many dirty coins he could fit in his mouth and my other son was screaming out the word “ICE CREAM” like he had terrets) but because I knew she was on to me. Not only was I the suburban mother of four they marketed too, I couldn’t even get it right in her eyes.
So are we no longer the fashion snob and can agree that we love the Gap now? Absolutely.
Afterall, where else can I can buy about ten different shaped shirts all in black?
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