Cheap Date Ideas for Parents

There are certain things that take place after marriage such as pregnancy, parenting, saving for the future and pursuing careers among others. In the middle of these things, couples forget about each other and the bonding between them grows weak day by day. However, there are ways to keep the bonding strong between couples and one of these ways can be dating. That’s right–just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can forget about going out on dates. Dating nowadays is not cheap. An ideal romantic date might be expensive and ultimately, both of you will sacrifice and decide to spend the money over more important matters. Here are some affordable ideas for your next date with your spouse.

Date during lunch time or breakfast time

Working couples are tired by nine in the evening and it’s often difficult for them to arrange a date by that time. It’s inevitable that couples would rather get some rest for the next day instead of dressing up and going out. This becomes a problem because we consider dinner as the only ideal time for dating, but guess what–lunch time can be an ideal time as well. Prices on the menu are affordable and you are energetic enough to have a great time with your partner. In addition, you are less likely to drink by lunch time and this can save you more money. Since your kids are in school, both of you can just enjoy spending time with each other without worry. During breakfast time, the prices on the menu are even cheaper than lunch time. Just imagine starting your day with your partner having a nice and quiet breakfast. What a way to start the day, right? It might not sound romantic to many couples. However, you might want to consider these options if you have time and money constraints.

Date after dinner time

If you used to be the life of the party or if you and your spouse used to set the dance floor on fire then there’s nothing wrong with reliving your party days once in a while. If you have a free weekend night on your hands then why not hire a babysitter to take care of the kids for the night? To make the most of your date night, try to avoid going to hot trendy clubs that are brimming with college party kids—unless you want to have vomit on your shoes by the end of the night. Instead, go to a more mature and classic club that caters to consumers your age. These clubs are bound to have better facilities, better drinks and better music. If you’re not the partying kind, you can also spend Saturday night having an intimate date right in the comforts of your home. You can send the kids to your parents for the night or take advantage of their slumber party in the house of another friend. Dating at home can be versatile: you can enjoy a quiet dinner for two, drink champagne out in the patio or rent a movie that you can watch while cuddling close to each other.

Strengthening Your Marriage

Marriage is complex world that everyone must carefully think about before entering. The fact that most marriages today end in divorce goes to show that not many people think about their decision to get married. This fact has made a lot of people hesitant about marriage or any serious relationship that could lead toward marriage. However, this doesn’t mean that all marriages are doomed to end. Whether you are about to walk down the aisle or you have been married for quite a while now, it’s always good to know the potential problems that lie ahead and how to surpass them. Here, we discuss the basic concepts that can strengthen and improve your marriage.

Respect and acceptance

The fundamental law of a marriage or any serious relationship is respecting each other. There is no doubt that you and your spouse love each other, but oddly enough, respect doesn’t always come automatically with love. Naturally, this leads one to question the authenticity of the love in the marriage. Respect is all about honoring your spouse as an individual—with individual feelings, opinions and thoughts. Just like respect, acceptance is also a necessary ingredient in any successful marriage. Unfortunately, only a few couples succeed in mastering this act. A lot of people who are in a relationship seek to change their partner somehow. Even though it’s good to bring out the best in our partner, you eventually have to see people for who they are and make the decision and if your personalities are compatible or will clash down the road.

Listening and communicating with each other

As marriages last longer, the quality of communication between the couple also deteriorate. Individual careers, children, chores, finances and other concerns build up inside the marriage that the couple often does not have time to tall about their feelings. If you and your spouse rarely speak to each other except to ask and answer questions or give orders then this is a sign that you need to start working on your communication again. Remember during your first dates or the early days of your marriage where the two of you will talk for hours? All in all, one of the most important foundations of a strong marriage is communication.

Passion and romance

Just like communication, passion in a marriage can also wear out as the couple stays together for a long time. After all, who has time for romance when there are groceries to buy, bill to pay and children to raise? Couples are usually preoccupied with these domestic concerns that they end up not paying attention to each other anymore. To solve this, make it a priority to have at least one date night a week, no matter how busy or stressed out you two are. Dates don’t even have to involve going out. Your romantic date can be as simple as sitting together out on the patio, opening a bottle of champagne and rediscovering why you loved each other. Do your children make it impossible? Send them over to a slumber party or to a relative who can take care of them for the night.

The Pros and Cons of Staying Together for Your Children

If you’re a parent then you are probably familiar with the pressure of having to make the right decisions for your child at all times. What food to serve, what school to enroll in, what values to teach are only some of the everyday decisions that can affect the welfare of our children. However, what happens when these decisions become a lot more challenging? For parents who are unhappily living with each other, the decision whether to separate or not will be one of the toughest decisions they will ever make. Many couples find themselves unhappy with each other. If you and your spouse have tried time and again to fix your marriage to no avail then it might be time to look for other ways to resolve such matters. Settling this conflict is twice as hard on couples with children because the decision affects not only the couple but the little ones involved as well. Perhaps it would be a good idea to discuss the pros and cons of separating so you and your spouse can start taking an objective look on the matter.

Pros of separating

Creating a resolution in a conflicted relationship where a child is involved in is a complex process. The truth is that any situation where parents have to separate will be devastating to any child. What you can do is evaluate the benefits of ending your marriage and think about how it may affect your children. You might think that to grin and bear it for your children is the best decision but the truth is you could be harming your children more by staying in an unhappy marriage. Being an unhappy wife or husband can easily stop you from being the best parent you can be. You might even start resenting parenting because of all the sacrifices you have to make for your kids. Another advantage of ending an unhappy marriage is the fact that you won’t have to expose your children anymore to the animosity between you and your spouse, which can be more harmful for them than divorce.

Cons of separating

The cons or disadvantages of separating should be considered carefully by couples who decide to separate without trying to save their marriage. Remember that separation can cause your children to think they should be choosing between their mother and father. Divorce is almost always traumatizing for the child. Since the child still does not have enough knowledge about life, it might take him years to recover and understand the event that took place. Many children from a “broken home” see their home life as a shadow that hangs over their social life, personal life, school work and future relationships. Depending on the child, some would see their parent’s separation as a reason to avoid stability while some will see it as a cautionary tale to avoid for their own families.

In the end, it’s important to know that every couple faces a tough time in their relationship where separating can seem like the best solution. However, being a good spouse and a responsible parent means that divorce should only be seen as the last resort. In the event that it’s unavoidable, children should receive the guidance they need to get through the ordeal. What do YOU think?

Read more about what the experts are saying here: http://marriage.about.com/od/divorce/i/gooddivorceiss_2.htm

Reinvent Romance Back Into Your Relationship After A Baby

The first time Tom and I went out after our daughter turned 2, was a surreal experience. We went out to dinner, ate in peace and actually were able to have a normal conversation that did not involve the words: “No, don’t play with your food”, “Don’t throw your fork and food on the floor”, “Don’t stick noodles in your nose!” and sooooo  many more versions of this!

Don’t get me wrong! We’ve gone out all together but that is an experience for a different post!

I cannot tell you how refreshing it can be to go out and just enjoy a night out! But it does involve some planning ahead of time and a reliable babysitter. Here is a great post from The Bump with some creative ideas on how to spice up your Valentine’s Day.

Planning ahead is key here!

Gone are the days when you and your partner can jump up and go out to dinner or even a movie. Try to plan in advance either a long lunch from work or even take a day off and enjoy a spa massage, mani-pedi, or even couples’ facials. Anything to break the routine of work, home, diapers, bottles, pumping, feeding, etc.

And even if you stay at home with the baby, it’s still a good idea to prepare in advance, get a babysitter, pump extra milk.

Simple gifts can be appreciated more than store-bought gifts.

I must admit, in those early days with an infant, the opportunity to take a shower and/or a nap, was an absolute luxury. Give your partner a few hours off to do something for themselves or even treat them to a massage, a relaxing bath, a middle of the day nap and a home-made dinner would be an absolute thrill!!

Get adventurous and creative!

From The Bump: Couples therapist and The Nest expert Dr. Ingrid Schweiger of New York City says “Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to make your relationship center stage again.” While a dozen roses, a box of chocolates and a fancy dinner out are all great (and universal) ways to woo your partner, think about what you can change within your own home. “A clean bedroom, a made bed, some candles and soft music is pretty romantic when you’re used to diapers, bottles, piles of laundry and dirty dishes,” says Blumencranz. Once baby goes down for the night (or for a couple of hours) uncork the wine and whip out the china—even if it’s just takeout or pasta on the fancy ware, the ambiance is key. Bonus points if you take the time to cut out little hearts from construction paper and sprinkle them on the table when your partner isn’t looking. And remember, says Blumencranz, Valentine’s Day is the day when you show your partner how much he or she means to you. The day can be as special as you want it to be. Dr. Schweiger agrees. She says the biggest mistake you can make is to not acknowledge the day because baby is here. Schweiger recommends writing your partner a love letter. “Even if life has been stressful with all the changes brought by parenthood, reflect on what makes your partner unique and lovable,” she says. “Deepening your intimacy is what it’s all about.”

There you have it. So even in a tough economy you can enjoy your Valentine’s day as a couple and bring romance back into your relationship!

Pumpkin Carving & Marriage

See, I probably should be thrilled that the father of my children was willing to carve a pumpkin and get involved with the family decorating event…but really all I can think about is given my personality, and my general ability to drive the man insane, is him having such impeccable carving skills cause for concern?

Are You NOT Having Sex with Your Husband?

We just love studies on relationships and sex! It’s so voyeuristic reading about what 80% of people are SUPPOSEDLY doing.

In a New York Times article (you can read it for yourself here), American couples are having sex 58 times per year. That’s roughly once per week. That’s roughly 58 MORE times than I am!

Wait?? What??? Um yeah! Now you know why I am so into this crap!

Anyway….. apparently this number is a median as there is a wide variation between couples under 30 years of age (111 times per year) and couples over 30 (58 times per year) and then freaks like me (1 per year). Where is my violin. Oh never mind.

Apparently, it’s not so uncommon. “It’s estimated that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year, according to Denise A. Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, who has studied sexless marriage.”

Are couples in sexless marriages less happy than couples having sex?

Generally, yes. There is a feedback relationship in most couples between happiness and having sex. Happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being. But keep in mind that sex is only one form of intimacy, and that some couples are fairly happy (and intimate) even without sex. In my 1993 study, I did find that people in sexless marriages were more likely to have considered divorce than those in sexually active marriages. There is no ideal level of sexual activity — the ideal level is what both partners are happy with — and when one (or both) are unhappy, then you can have marital problems.

Can people in a marriage that has become sexless rekindle their sex lives?

Some do. But once a marriage has been sexless for a long time, it’s very hard. One or both may be extremely afraid of hurt or rejection, or just entirely apathetic to their partner. They may not have been communicating about sex for a very long time (if ever) and have trouble talking about it. Couples who talk over their sex lives (as well as other aspects of their marriages) tend to have healthier marriages, but it’s hard to get a couple talking once they’ve established a pattern of non-communication.

There are mixed opinions about what to do to rekindle marital sex. For some couples, it may be as simple as a weekend away from the kids, taking a vacation or cruise, or just having some time off, alone. Others may need help in re-establishing communication and may seek professional assistance. The sad fact is that there are few counseling professionals that deal with this issue. Often, marriage counselors focus on other aspects, rather than sex. While these other aspects may play a big role in sexual inactivity, talking explicitly about sex is essential.

Are people in sexless marriages more likely to get divorced?

In my studies, as well as others, people in sexless marriages report that they are more likely to have considered divorce, and that they are less happy in their marriages.

Some of our former respondents have kept in touch with me, and the happiest ones are actually those that have moved on to other partners. It may be that lack of sex is a signal that all intimacy in a marriage is over, and that both would be happier in other situations. I know that this may not be a popular idea with the religious and political right, but it may be a better solution than staying in a marriage that is hurtful and unfulfilling.

In sum, these situations are just so complicated. Each couple has to examine their specific histories, their motivations and goals, and whether it is worth it to them to work on putting sex back in the marriage. It can be a difficult task and require that people take emotional and physical steps that aren’t comfortable for them.

I find this very interesting indeed. How about the fact that people let themselves get fat, sloppy and disgusting in the course of their relationships.

Or they get so bored of having sex with each other, they prefer to wash the floors or get a root canal?

Or maybe their man is soo “tapped out” from his daily porn obsession, he is just not “up to” having any more with an actually human being?

Or maybe their man is too selfish to make it satisfying for their woman?

Or maybe both or one person has an intimacy issue and eventually it catches up to their relationship?

Or possibly, there may be an illness or disability or some other physical condition preventing sex?

I’d like to blame my sexless marriage on the 65 pounds I gained from pregnancy that I still haven’t lost 2 years later and on my DH probably hating my guts (figuratively and literally).

What do you think???? Are you in a sexless marriage??? Have you been in a sexless marriage?? How did you resolve it?