A War on Pregnancy: Just Say No

By the last month of my last pregnancy I was out of my mind. I could NOT WAIT to return to my slim self. I was all about it – I would wear mini skirts, I was going to love doing 1000 crunches a day, I would look at my size 4 friends with envy at their cute clothes, the swiftness at which they could move, the sexy shoes and I was SOOO over being pregnant. I was ready to perform my own c-section most days. I wanted out of pregnancy-ville and I was going to bring sexy back. I …WAS…DONE.

And I was. I worked out, I got the new clothes, the smaller waist….I was back. Then I see one of my friend’s that is pregnant and I want to be pregnant again. I HATED being pregnant. What is it though about seeing a pregnant woman that makes you forget that fact and instead think “Hey I want to do that to!?!?” All of sudden I am blinded by how great it is NOT to have to suck in your stomach for pictures, and the allure of flowing shirts with empire waists, and I begin to hallucinate about how much I loved being pregnant. I start to think things like…It wasn’t so bad. (Yes, it was.) I loved being pregnant sometimes (no, I didn’t..EVER), It was fun watching my belly grow (I was horrified).

And the main problem is, a lot like most drug addicts I am by the wrong people. I am running with the wrong crowd. The pregnant crowd. As discussed my friends are now reproducing at an alarming  rate. Seriously, I am at the point that when someone calls me and says the words “Guess what?” I just have the auto reply of “Your pregnant.” Some of my friends have 3, 4 chidlren yet they go to a baby shower and I get the “I want another one….just one more” call.

I need to remind myself that these pregnancies create HUMAN BEINGS  – babies are not meant to be collected and traded like a sticker collection or beanie babies. After the pregnancy there is actually a BABY to take care of which we all know is fine and dandy (because of course one look at baby shoes and all logic is COMPLETELY GONE) but that BABY turns into a CHILD. And a CHILD needs to be feed, and educated, and it costs a million trillion dollars. And it is going to be a lot like the three other “models” I already have now.

In the 80s we launched a “War on Drugs”. We need to bring the war back but realize this drug is more powerful than crack, more tempting than heroine: Pregnancy is really an epidemic; It is the worst drug us suburban moms have seen since Ritalian. We need to stop hanging out with the wrong crowd ,(you know the pregnant people) and put down the ovulation sticks.

Step away from the preggos and Just say no.

So I had my 25 week appointment with the OBGYN or the “Bullshit doctor” as Vin and I refer to them because the specialist is the one that I am scared of.

This appointment had a lot of firsts for me! the big one….drum roll please….

is that I actually got in hand the GLUCOSE TEST SUGAR STUFF!! I have never made it to that test, so I if i get to drink that stuff in 2.5 weeks I will be the happiest freaking camper you know!! I told the nurse you don’t get it “this is a trophy for me” all Vin and I wanted to do in my pregnancy with ava is get to that darn test cause it would mean I was 28 weeks!

I have gained 18 lbs total at 25 weeks. I gained 9 lbs last month but lost two this month – go figure – my nurse thinks that my weight gain is l, I feel like a whale..  but i really don’t care. I am just shocked at how HUGE my belly is. My butt and legs and arms and face look the same but my belly is HUGE.

I mean people even comment that it looks big for 25 weeks. Go figure – last time no one could tell i was pregnant at 24 weeks this time my belly is huge LOL. My nurse said it is because I am so petite everywhere else that it makes it look more dramatic. I of course handed her a $50 at that point and thanked her for her kindness.

The other first was they actually measured my belly! I never got to that appointment the other times! So that was cool. She said I measured EXACTLY 25 weeks. So freaking cool. I was so damn excited when she took out that tape! I only saw that done because of Noelle so I was pretty excited to be eligible for measure!

So hopefully the rest of my appointments will be like my sex life – very boring.

Celebrities Weight Issues: Boo-who

Today, as I waited in a hallway for the 4,643rd time this week for a child in an activity, I amused myself by reading a celebrity gossip magazine. And I got a huge laugh, and then felt totally annoyed after I read all about about some “actress” who was whining about the pressures to be thin, and how hard she has it because there is so much pressure to be thin. Now, I am totally with her on the standard for women in Hollywood is ridiculous – I mean a size 4 should not be considered “curvy” but there is a deeper issue here, that really annoyed me.

The actress acted as if she was feeling some unique struggle, or pressure unique to Hollywooed but the truth is I think we ALL feel that pressure. While we may feel pressure not to be a size 0 or size 2, most real women feel the same pressures – and we feel it without a trainer, a chef and all the help in the world.

The women in Hollywood probably DO feel a lot of pressure to be thin – but guess what!? So do women in real life. And you know what?! We don’t have a personal trainer, chefs, and two nannies per child. We are expected to look thin and we are not paid for it, praised for it, made designer outfits for it, or assisted in any way. It is not our offical “JOB” to look good, in fact it is just one of the countless responsibilities we have, but it is a celebrities job. We don’t get ANY money, let alone millions of dollars when we go back to our pre-pregnancy weight. As an actress it IS your job to look good. If you don’t want to deal with that pressure or anyone else commeting on your appearance – don’t make a career out of what you look like. It is like a fireman complaining that he loves his job but hates the heat of fire. If your job IS TO LOOK GOOD and you don’t like that pressure – get a different job.

I look at my friends, other women – you know that have real lives and responsibilities, and they all feel a great amount of pressure to be thin too. Looking at these women, the working moms, the stay at home moms with no help, you know the ones that get up at 5 am to hit the gym or do everything they can to manage to stay fit IN SPITE of all they have to do, made me realize what a disgrace these actresses are.

Almost ready…for baby

I feel like all of a sudden my body is just falling apart.   Like my hips are being ripped apart, it is harder to breathe – I am really confused by it becuase I can DO alot of stuff (running around, lifting, etc.) and not get out of breath but sitting down for some reason leaves me breathless. Sometimes i feel like someone is sitting on my chest – so FAB! I feel A LOT of pressure on my stitch – I try not to say much but has become extremely painful.

The baby feels BIG. He is supposed to be about 5.5 lbs – I can’t imagine what a 10 lb would feel like. Scary. I am nervous still – just because I feel like I am so close now and I don’t want anythign bad to happen now! I came so far…..

So I have about 7 days to go! I have my last OBGYN appt tomorrow at 11:15 am ish. I am supposed to get all my instructions for my c-section because it is next monday at my appointment tomorrow.

I can’t believe I am here. I am so ready for our family to be complete, and just to move on from this phase. I can’t imagine what he is going to look like, I can’t imagine having a BABY again. LOL

10 days to go…

Went great except for the fact that I had three children witness and internal. I have some concerns about the boys exposure so young to my legs being spread, a light placed there, and stirrups that look like a torture device. You do realize that they will never remember the countless art projects, baking, days at the zoo that their childhood as contained. It will be that moment – the pap smear like event they witnessed that they will remember clear as day.  

Normally my doc does not do them but she wanted me to get the Strep B test for some reason (even though I am delivering via c-section). The kids were great though – thank goodness. Every once in a while God has some mercy!

So I gained 2 lbs in the past 2.5 weeks. So for the pregnancy that puts me at 31 lbs or so. I am fine with that…. Long as i have this baby healthy and happy that is the small stuff! (See how great denial is!?)

The beat was good, I measured at 34 weeks and she told me my cervix is still long and closed..go figure. 

I am definetely totally nervous about stillbirth and check the beat a lot more now because i don’t feel as much movement. My doctor said that is totally normal so I am trying not to freak. LOL. I can NOT believe I have about 10 days to go and he should be here!!!!!

My OBGYN does crack

He must. Because that is the ONLY way to explain what he said to me today.

In my meeting with my high risk fetal doctor, I had the biggest laugh of my life. This is of course, a very nice change of pace since most of my appointments with him in the past have ending with crying, hysteria, and just plain madness. (And if that is how HE was acting imagine my reaction! ) Anyway, today he said the funniest thing I possibly even heard: He said “This is such great news…You are doing so well, everything is holding fine. I am so happy to see you can do this and you should be so happy to know you no longer need a surrogate next time.”

UM…wait what!?  I don’t need a surrogate NEXT TIME!? Has this man seen one too many whoo-haas and gone insane!? He is very well aware we have three children at home, one that is less than two months away from birth… I am counting FOUR kids here people..did this guy fail math? Does he think that only adds up to one or two!?  

So I told him  ”Doc, if I am ever pregnant again, the only thing I am going to ask you for is a bullet, and the only stitches perform would be in my autopsy.”  

UM we are done. DONE. YOU HEAR ME !???!

Blocking the bar : Breastfeeding Covers

 So with three toddlers to chase, and a baby to feed this all is going to add up to disaster. I can just see myself trying to push a cart at Target, feeding the baby, and screaming at the other three to PAY ATTENTION. Then I will probably have Max and Ty lifting the blanket I am desperately trying to cover my “girly bits “with. I am thinking using just a little blanket to cover myself is soooo not going to work.  I just ordered a  Peanut Shell Breastfeeding Cover and I think it is pretty rad. I feel all hippie chic pregnant. It is defintely great to have it attached so that I have an extra hand free and don’t have to try to move around to keep the blanket up. Been there, done that with the twins and it did NOT work out. I flashed more people breastfeeding than a stripper at a peep show (and I didn’t get a buck out of it!)  I LOVE LOVE LOVE their hippie dippie slings (Baby Bjorn STINKS!!). The patterns are so damn cute, and not queer.  Oh my God Kate Hudon is sooo going to want to be ME.

Peas in the Pod Baby Shower Activity Ideas and Games

Women in nearly all cultures have a tradition for celebrating the mother to be and soon to be born new baby. In the Navajo Native American tradition, a mother to be is sung over in a ceremony performed especially for expectant mothers. In this Native American culture, this is called the “dine bizzaad”, and is usually translated as a “Blessingway”.

One idea to make your baby shower fun is the create a peas in the pod activities for your guests or as some like to call them baby shower games. One such games is Name that Baby Food. The way it works is: you buy eight jars of baby fruits or vegetable. You cover each jar’s label with paper and number each jar. To play, you have to give each player a paper plate, a spoon and a pencil. Ask her to write the numbers 1 to 8 around the rim of the plate. Then stick a baby spoon in each jar and have the players pass the first jar around and place a spoonful of its contents near the number 1 on their plates. Then just repeat the process for all the baby food jars and ask the players to write down what they think each baby food is near the corresponding number on their plate.

Award a baby shower favors to the guests who get the most correct answers.

If you want to make this game even more challenging, choose baby foods that combine more than one fruit or vegetable in each jar.

So there you, these are some great baby shower games to entertain your guests and even have some fun for yourself. Your guests will love these ideas and activities and may actually enjoy going to more baby showers you host. Stay tuned for some ideas on how to create a theme for your baby shower gifts such as those baby gift baskets and baby gifts that your guests will bring and you can be sure the mom to be will be put them to good use.

Bring in the Bird: Stork Baby Shower

I am telling you all right now,  if I make it to 30 weeks  I will be so thrilled I will be  throwing myself my own baby shower!!

So I have been looking at baby shower themes (you know so I can mercilessly drop hints  to family and friends) Listen, I don’t CARE if this is my 9th kid…I am having a damn shower if my ass is big enough to waddle into one at 30+ weeks.  If I make it, this will be the first time I have ever gone to term so it will be really exciting.

I am thinking I like the idea of a stork. I know it is a little cheesy but I think if it is done really simply, that it could be very classic and Hollywood chic. I have a LOT to do for this party for myself . From the baby shower favors to the decorations to the menu and baby gifts themes and baby gift baskets, I have so much to think about and plan. Cause you know my Type A personality could not stand it if I have a shower and it is anything less than so perfect.

So here is a unique idea on how to create a stork baby shower cake I found :

The ingredients you will need:

Two 9-inch round cakes and one 13by9 ich cake, cooled.  Prepare the cakes from packaged mixes.
Three 16 ounce cans white forsting.
Yellow and red food coloring
1 Large marshmallow
1 Blue M&M
Fabric baby sling

Carefully remove the cakes from the pans. Wrap each cake in plastic wrap and freeze the cakes for 1 hour to  make for easier cutting and fewer crumbs. Remove the plastic wrap from the cakes. Cut the cakes in two circles, and other shapes to create the body parts of the stork. and place the pieces on a cake board that measures at least 32 by 22 inches. Mix yellow and red food coloring into 2 cups of frosting and use the orange frosting to color the stork’s beak, legs and feet. Decorate the rest of the stork’s body with white frosting. To make the eye, cut the marshmallow in half and nestle the M&M into the top of one half. Set the eye in place on the stork’s head. Complete the cake by positioning a fabric baby sling from the stork’s beak.

This recipe makes 24 servings.

Now of course I will need to multiply it by 4 because…hello?!…this baby is the most important one in the world and at LEAST 100 people will come to my shower.  But seriously  let’s pretend for one minute 1. I can bake, 2. I would actually bake something instead of getting it catered, and 3. Ultimately select a stork theme – pretty cute right!?

Tags: Stork+Baby+Shower+Theme+Cake+Idea, baby+shower+favors, baby+gifts, baby+gift+baskets

Jennifer Lopez : Hellllooo Mama

    I hear a lot of people talking about Jennifer Lopez, discussing how “huge” she is and I find it INCREDIBLY ANNOYING. First off all, the woman is pregnant – and pregnant with not one but TWO humans. Do you realize we are looking at 3 people in this picture?? Secondly I am the last person in the world to cut any celebrity any slack – they have personal trainers, and nannies, and chefs and it is their JOB to look good. That all being said, a pregnant woman is off limits in my book. Most of these celebrities are so damn hungry they probably just get pregnant so they can actually EAT. I love Jenny McCarthy’s book Belly Laughs because she talks about how she gained a TON of weight, and it was mostly because she was so thrilled she could actually eat! I have to say, having been pregnant many times,  no matter what I did I always gained the same amount (Okay except for my first pregnancy where I lived on Mexican food and donuts but every first pregnancy is a freebie. ) I think she looks great. Okay a bit bloated but her face looks so pretty a bit more filled out. Leave the girl alone. Let her have her moment in the sun to bask in her pregnancy glow. Can’t we all be respectful enough to wait until the babies are 6 months old to start critisizing her and calling her fat when she ONLY back to a size 6?! What is  this world coming to!?

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