Holiday Style – Hue ‘Denim’ Leggings

We are all about looking fabulous after a baby so of COURSE we love these leggings! Our most favorite Mommy Fashion blog – AintNoMomJeans inspired us to look into this ultra chic look.  Moms meet the denim leggings (you can get these at Nordstrom), as Shana from aintNoMomJeans eloquently put:

not to be confused with the “Jeggings“, which are leggings that are printed to look exactly like jeans (including fake pockets, etc).

Pair these with a nice white tank top or cami from J.Crew (these are on sale now for DIRT cheap – $6.99 each) and a nice cardigan from Banana Republic and you are ready to go!

Perfect for casual days at the park or even nights out with the hubby. Dress dress them up or down with a fabulous purse and cute accessories.

Ahhh….we swoon over comfortable, no hassle, FABULOUS clothes that we can throw on in 2 minutes and look like we spent hours!

Quick Honey Take a Picture of My Sexy Pregnant Ass

While the Japanese may be ahead of us in many areas of electronics, cars, special effects and perhaps even weapons development, they are …I am going to with centuries upon centuries behind…um like the rest of the world if taking naked pictures of women while pregnant is a “new trend.” I recently read this article that discusses the new trend of photographing pregnant women in the nude. While some people say this came into vogue when Demi Moore did it, I am going to say Europeans have been painting women since the Renasaaicnce ages with all body shapes – some with big big curves, some that are just fat and some that were pregnant. We are really kidding ourselves if we think Britney Spears or Ms. Moore started this trend.

But putting who “did it first” aside, I have to ask you, my friends….Really?! I know, I know. Pregnancy is sexy. Pregnancy is beautiful. Pregnancy is natural. Pregnancy is…blah blah blah.  Sure those pictures when you are 18 weeks and you looked like you swallowed a little basketball may be all well and cute and good (provided of course you are still working out with your trainer, still don’t eat carbs, and are a celebrity with a great personal shopper), but by 35 weeks (okay okay 28 weeks) I was feeling pretty whaleish.  Here is something I NEVER said while pregnant “I am feeling so damn sexy lets just capture THIS moment forever.” My pregnancy involved lots of things I did NOT want captured on film.

And while Angelina Jolie claims Brad Pitt made her feel “sexy the whole time” she was pregnant I have two things to say: 1. I am not Angelina, and my husband is no Brad and 2. She is full of shit.

I had a hard enough time taking pictures with my clothes on. Thank God for digital – I was deleting at least 8.6 pics for every 10 that were taken. Call me vain. Call me shallow. Call me anti-feminist, but “naked”, “pregnant” and “photo” really don’t belong in one sentence. (Actually, if you talk to Paris Hilton, and a few other overly trusting celebrities the word “naked” and “pictures” alone don’t belong in the same sentence, but I think that is another post entirely. )

So in sum, it was hard enough to look at myself in the mirror for those 3.2 God aweful seconds between disrobing and the shower – why in the WORLD do I want those 3.2 seconds captured on film? For OTHERS to see. Forever.

Coach : It’s not meant to be wallpaper

There are some upper end brands we all know just by glancing seeing a single letter. The special “G” for Gucci, the for Fendi, the LV pattern for Louis etc. – these are all excellent examples of marketing done well. I have an item (or two) from these designers, I am not opposed to overpaying for a letter to be on something – I too am not above knowing I am getting totally ripped off and wanting the item anyway. I get it, I promise. We have all accepted that when you want to show people you’ve got some cash, you sport a letter or a symbol. Fine. But please ladies, please, these things are not meant to be body wrap or wall paper. Today as I rolled into my daughter’s ballet school I was nearly blinded by the letter C coming at me. One of the fellow mothers there looked like one of those trippy wall art things where if you stare at the series of random dots long enough they become a picture of something in 3D. Well I stared and stared but all I got was dizzy, and a sudden hatred for Coach. Listen, a wallet, a bag, a scarf, some loafers with a little “C” here or there – fantastic. Chic. Luxury. Discretely upper class. ALL FOUR OF THEM AT ONCE – trying waaaay to hard. Honestly her outfit was the fashion equivalent of pulling out her income statement. I didn’t say anything – we all know I am a total wimp in real life – but I really WANTED to say – “PLEASE STOP ABUSING THE ONE LETTER OF THE ALPHABET LADY, there are 25 other letters in the alphabet, and plenty of designers for each. Instead, I told her……. I loved her shoes.

p90X – The Most Extreme Fitness Routines for Real Weight Loss – Try it if you dare!

Although, the p90x is a great routine to get in shape, and had indeed helped a lot of people in achieving their personal, professional and physical goals within the stipulated period of time, yet there is one big flaw in the whole p90x system, which makes it a little vary to start off with. The mere fact that there is a high investment involved and it is not certainly for everyone makes it a little inaccessible to those who want a trial method to start off with, before going in for the routine in full blow. Yes, there have been certain innovations on the part of Tony Horton which have made the trial of this plan possible (I am talking about the 10 minute plan), yet, a lot of people just shy away from the p90x because of the extreme factor associated with it.

Cashing in on the opportunity provided to them by the extreme nature of the p90x, many fitness experts have evolved simpler and more fun to do workout routines in the meanwhile. These routines have been welcomed by many people who thought that they were too ‘unfit’ to try an extreme fitness routine. One such fun routine is the turbo jam workout plan, which combines certain groovy moves, coupled with great music and some easy to do burnout plans, making it a hot favorite these days. More than a million people have adopted the turbo jam workout routine in the past 10 months or so, and the number is growing at an astounding pace.

Those who have done this routine, and have got results from it have reported that the first visible changes were observed in the thigh and the abdominal regions, which are intuitively the most problematic to work upon in other cases. Kickboxing, which is a major part of the turbo jam workout plan, becomes easier to complete as time progresses. This gives confidence and self-motivation to newbies. Kickboxing also enhances one’s endurance, balance and flexibility, besides giving a punch to the kicks as they get better over a period of time. The best part about a turbo jam workout is that after the workout, most people have noticed that fact that they had sweat more than during any other routine, which is a motivation in itself.

Based on the principle of “interval training”, which is one of the most popular methods of training among athletes and body builders these days. This method involves raising the heart beat suddenly to a desired level by doing high intensity workouts in short spurts of time, followed by a resting period. After the resting period is over, the performer would perform the short, intense exercise routine once again, and go on till a target number of sets are achieved in a given duration of time. The ‘recovery’ period should be used to motivate your self to achieve more during the next short spurt of the workout. By doing this, you would be constantly pushing yourself over the envelope every single time you go for a set, and therefore, it would help you in burning more fat as the time progresses.

Low Fat Diets

Remember when it was decided that “fat” content in our food was the thing we had to watch? There was no mention of carbs being an issue – startch was our friend. It was our fuel and A OKAY! In the 90s fat was the culprit and carbs were totally fine. Remember how there was a huge diet craze where people were screaming out things like “low-fat cream cheese” and “low fat mayo”!? No one said a word about carbs – we were encouraged to eat pretzels and bagels and pasta and all kinds of GLORIOUS carbs.  Remember when being on a diet meant you could eat like 5 plain bagels a day as long as the cream cheese was low fat?!

Than that bitch Atkins had to come along and ruin it for all of us. (Sob) Why can’t we just think it is the fat in the food we eat that are the problem!? Why did we have to learn the aweful truth? Ignorance is bliss. I want to go back. I don’t want to know the truth.

Someone bring me a damn bagel….with low fat cream cheese of course, I AM on a diet you know.

Electric Youth..Never Gets Old

Which is the funnier fact : Electric Youth, the perfume we ALL wore in the 80s designed by Debbie Gibson is STILL being sold or a few years ago she tried to relaunch her career using the name Deborah because her NAME was the biggest challenge in her comeback?

Okay at the risk of repeating the navigation bar too much  – OMG Remember when this Debbie Gibson was so huge? Did you also have a copy of the queer hat she always used to wear?  Seriously, rock the Electric Youth cologne, the matching black hat that looked eerily similar to the one Charlie Chaplin wore, and belt out the words to Electric Youth or Lost in His Eyes and BAM you have a snapshot of my preteen years. The only thing I am missing now is my Tiffany poster. Damn I bet those girls got into some SERIOUS drugs at some point. Well “Debbie” and Tiff did the drugs…”Deborah” is too sophisticated.

So since I can’t recapture my youth, I can at least smell it. I am not sure if it is really “electric” but if you ask me, any perfume with hot pink spiral pump shape, neon green writing and a price point of $11.00  is a MUST HAVE.

Acne and How Best To Treat It

What is up with my face??? No seriously, I look like a high school freshman. My face is totally breaking out like a high school freshman…I am so annoyed.

I don’t know what the deal is. Ever since I have had the bambinos my skin has just been a mess. I am thinking that in my 20s I was on the pill so that actually prevented the break outs too. Now I am back to pizza face and I totally want to cry.  I know I could just go to a dermatologist but who has the time or the desire? If I can get a child free hour it better include drinks, laughter and my girlfriends or husband. Last I checked my dermatologist office provided none of these options (losers – lol) so I am going to try to figure out what to do on my own. (Aren’t I such a fearless warrior for vanity?)

Anyway, it seems everytime I turn around, there is a new celeb bragging about  Proactiv Solution . They must have some serious ad dollars (or their stuff really is totally amazing) because I have seen Jessica Simpson, and like 8 million other celebrities in their ads. So, EXPERIMENT TIME!! I am going to get some and let you know what I think.  Below is the information I read that got me all psyched.

“This product was first introduced to the public way back in 1995, and from that time up to the present a lot of water has flowed beneath the bridge, and which today has made Proactiv Solutionto be one of the most sought after and most highly regarded acne treatment products available on the market today. And, there are a number of reasons why people turn to Proactiv Solution when they want to treat acne and among the reasons are that it can help the disease even before it actually becomes visible.

The reason why Proactiv Solutionworks its magic on acne while others products might fail is that it is a real acne treatment that uses a three step system consisting of firstly, a renewing cleanser that helps to exfoliate the pores and which also lets benzoyl peroxide into the pores. Secondly, there is a revitalizing toner whose main function is to unclog any clogged pores and to also do away with dead skin cells, and lastly, there is the repairing lotion that sends the benzoyl peroxide to places far into the pores and thus is able to kill off the bacteria at its source.”

Ohh it sounds so scientific – and it has THREE steps. Anything with “steps” HAS to be good right? Geez a little Proactiv, some new panties (see my earlier post) and I am going to be a new woman. Look out world…..

Bikini Facts : I see London….I see France..

So since the babies have been born I have been interested in covering my ass with a tarp as opposed to a bikini, but since I am seeing SOME resemblance of a waistline lately I have decided, I must retire the underwear that I could use to cover the Christmas table with, and get something a little more ….um attractive.

I read somehwere that more than 70% of women prefer bikini underwear. Moreover, it can be asserted that sexy bikinihas become an attribute of  civilized society. (It must be the fact that I never felt the need to be civilized, ergo my huge panties were fine for my low standards. LOL) I am not surprised that bikinis are preferable – they seem to be the happy medium between my super hot granny panties, and the dental floss like underwear that has made Rap videos what they are. I STILL don’t get how women can wear the thong underwear. You know the one that has no coverage at all and is just a string that literally goes up your butt. HOW in the world does that have a point!?

There are a lot of different types of bikini, so nowadays I am sure I can find the panties that will suit my needs. Tiny bikini, Brazilian, strings, thongs… ah decisions, decisions.  What I really want is the underwear that shrinks your butt size and firms when you put it on. Now where can I found THOSE bikini underwear?

Here comes the bridesmaid (STOMP STOMP STOMP)

As the weather grows warmer and warmer, the panic begins to set in that soon I will no longer be able to hide the sins of lingering pregnancy weight with things like over sized sweaters, and black leggings and high boots. That slimming little combo has hepled me delude countless friends and family into believing I HAVE lost all my pregnancy weight and that I look great for someone that has been pregnant so recently. (Ps – how long do you get to call it pregnancy weight for? When do I own this mess?)

The truth is, I have the wrong friends for my dress size. I know we are supposed to love our girlfriends unconditionally but truthfully, I hate those skinny bitches. Okay, I am kidding, but really their bodies are all wrong for my self-esteem.  Of all of my college and early career friends I am one of the very few that are married, I am the ONLY one that has yet to have children. (Let alone a litter of them).  This means, sadly, I am still trying to keep up with a crowd that believes a size 6 is …..HUGE. (No seriously its not their fault – they have been brainwashed by things like billboards in Time Square and US Weekly  and Nicole Richie.)

So with this in mind, you can imagine my joy when one of them announces they are getting married and oh goody for me, I get to be in the wedding and stand next to ALL OF THEM IN PICTURES. Let’s talk a look at that pic shall we? Size 0, Size 00, Size 2, Size 00 (-10), Size 2 and then……….ME.  Yeah cause it is seriously flattering and highly exciting to be wearing a fuschia cocktail length gown, standing next to chicks that are so damn skinny if they swallowed a grape you would probably SEE it through the dress. I am seriously considering accessorizing my gown with a button like (I had kids they didn’t) or permanently attaching one of the twins to me so everyone can see for themselves there is reason for my larger size.  You can tell me – would it be wrong to be actually breastfeeding one of the babies as I walk down the aisle? Too subtle? Not enough to drive the point home?

So the wedding is in three weeks. Pale Mint. I know so flattering – really thrilled about it. Even more thrilled about the other three bridesmaids that told me at the shower they REALLY need to loose weight before the photographer captures their image. (I guess they are going for completely invisible.)  I, of course, did the whole “OMG you are so skinny you totally don’t have to” as is stated in my girlfriend contract, and then I of course,  totally agreed I had to do the same.

Then I went home and ate the rest of my kid’s french fries to make myself feel better. Then I cried. (And ordered the button in a color that will compliment my mint dress perfectly).

Target vs. WalMart

I need to shake the man’s hand that created Target. Not because I love the store so much or because what he did was so different because he really did not do anything different at all. But, the fact that he invented nothing new, is what makes what he did amazing. 

Face it, we all go to Walmart to get things but we never announce it. No. Because well… Walmart is kind of gross, and not the kind of place we want to identify with. YET, when we go to Target, basically the same exact store as Walmart there is just no shame in that game. I have no problem being at the nursery school and mentioning I am running to Target to get this or that. Or if I am sporting a fine shade of melon flip flops I bought there, I have no issue telling the ladies at the gym that I so smartly snatched them up at Target. Yet Walmart? Not so much. Walmart is the black sheep of the wholesale shopping family. Costco, BJs, etc. those are fine too – those are places we go to stock up our beachhouses, or boats or ski houses so they pass too. Yet, they are even scarier looking in some ways than a Walmart. So why? What is so different about Target that Walmart is shameful and it isn’t? Is it the simple little differences!?

Things like the fact that Target on the outside is the color red. Walmart is blue and there is an * for God’s sake in the name. KMart and WalMart both have “Mart” in the name – is that bad too!? Target has a cool nickname – we all refer to it as “tar-shay”. Target has done something that call us yuppies by our special shopping call – things like having STARBUCKS not McDonalds, and they serve things like organic yogurt and salads not cheese filled pretzels. They have great designers we knew – designers like Amy Coe, and  Isaac Mizrahi that say, “Hey I am someone that knows style, but I still shop at Target.” I don’t know what they did, but when I look at my AMEX statement I know they did it well. Now if only I could get the founder to reinvent me….