C-Section : Risks & Rewards
I just finished reading one of the ten thousand articles I have read in my lifetime about C-section versus vaginal birth and frankly I am completely tired of it. The one article I am about to rip to shreds can be found here.
First of all, do I think doctors perform way more c-sections than they probably should because they don’t want to be inconvenienced by a call at 3 am or because some annoying patient needs to “pencil in” having a baby into their spa weekend/nanny/work schedule? Absolutely. However………….
1. I find it completely intolerable to say that women should/do feel ‘less of a woman” because they deliver via C-section. I mean really people? Really? Do we have to be so hard on ourselves that making a human is not enough!?!
Is it so seriously important that this new little human checks out the inside of our vagina before they enter the world!? Really!? The baby has to come out of our GIRLY BITS or we are less of a woman? I mean give me a break. To conceive, carry and bring into this world a baby is a blessing. If you are going to sit there and cry a river because it came out a different door…or try to make some woman feel she should be less happy about the birth of her child, that is disgusting. On more than one occasion I have been part of conversation where women that experienced a “drug free birth” or ”a water birth to freaking Enya and Vanilla scented candles where their husband chanted” or some other stupid shit like that made the other women – the one that took the epidural or had a C-section - feel like complete shit. First off all these people are NOT people I would ever be friends with cause if you are going to try to compete with me at how much better you were at birthing your child, can you imagine how much competition there will be over how you are raisingyour child!? Forget it – if I wanted that kind of judgement I would call my mother-in-law. Simply put any “woman” that tries to boost her ego by bragging about how she delivered her baby or judges another by their birth decisions sucks.
2. C-sections do have risk but there are risks to vaginal birth too. If you have been told you need a C-section please don’t freak out and feel that something bad is going to happen. Honestly if you read this article you would feel like you are just being plain reckless, and doing something way out there in terms of risk, but chances are if you are going to have a c-section it is for a good reason and for the safety of you and/or your baby. The article just glazes over that there are legitimate reasons to have a c-section by only casually mentioning that fact. However there is NO discussion about vaginal birth situations that would have been FATAL WITHOUT A C-SECTION. You can’t do a vaginal birth to solve the complications of a C-Section when they happen; However C-section can be a solution that prevents potentially fatal complications in a vaginal birth situation. They don’t talk about THAT but I can tell you I have personally witnessed in the delivery room (I was a coach for more than one of my friends!!) that without a c-section their beautiful babies – and in one case, the mother would NOT be here. Breach babies, babies stuck in the canal that have a serious drop in heart rate, babies that are in distress, babies that are bigger than anticipated and are not progressing down, women whose cervix will not progress but their water has been broken, babies that are being born to mothers with contagious infections, babies being born to mothers with medical conditions that can not withstand the physical strain of labor: Where would these women be, where would their babies be without a c-section?!! Is a C-section every one’s favorite alternative? Maybe not, however how about talking about how many vaginal births have not been fatal because of a C-section? Are the statistics even accurate because by having C-sections we may have reduced the number of vaginal deliveries that resulted in fetal/maternal death?
3. I have had vaginal and I have had C-sections. Guess what!? How my children came to be on this Earth matters far less to me than the fact that they are here. I had a vaginal birth and my daughter later died (unrelated to the vaginal birth) and I had a C-section and my second daughter lived. Do you think I spent ONE NANOSECOND of my life feeling SAD about how Avery came into this world!? The point is, at one point, after many months in ICU, I, a healthy mother, and she, a beautiful, healthy baby girl left that hospital together to begin the life we have now. I don’t care if they pulled her out of my eyeball with a toothpick – the most important part of your child’s birth is that both you and he/she are healthy and alive.
4. Pain wise, you are f-ed wither way. Don’t think you are really going to get off easy going vaginal, and don’t think that just because you had a C-section you can’t breastfeed. That is bullshit. Seriously. I have just as many friends that were completely exhausted from their vaginal births, did not breastfeed that first day, and as friends that had a C-section and felt up to trying within hours of their baby being born. (Maybe it was that is the fact that the C-section chicks also got the MUCH BETTER drugs afterwards LOL). Anyway, I can tell you my first c-section was pretty rough – I had some serious complications and was delivering so early (25 weeks) that it isn’t really fair to say how bad/good it would have been the first time if I did not have so many other issues. However, when I delivered at term and had my second C-section I was OUT of bed 3 hours later!! I am no superhero but I had a great experience. Maybe I just lucked out, but what I am saying is it is possible. I breastfeed the baby on the second day maybe (It is all such a blur!) and he did GREAT! (My theory is that the baby having a penis makes him more likely to breastfeed – regardless of how he is born. Give a boy a boob at any age and he gets it!!) I have had friends that had vaginal births that ripped all kinds of girly parts, two dislocated their tailbone delivering vaginally, and the others were so completely exhausted they did not even remember anything after the birth through the next day and didn’t nurse right away either. Every birth is so different, every mother is so different, and you can’t guarantee a negative or positive outcome in either case.
So my conclusion for all you preggos out there that are so nervous you are actually googling it and finding this blog and article – Relax. THERE IS NO BETTER OR SAFER TIME IN HISTORY TO HAVE A BABY THAN NOW. Just by the sheer fact that you are researching C-sections, you are taking it seriously, your are educating yourself and looking out for your baby: signs that you are already great mother! Please realize a C-section is not a failure, (Omg that just breaks my heart you would even think that!) it does NOT mean you have to be sad, or disappointed in your babies birthday or that you can’t breastfeed. There are very few moments in life that are as glorious as the birth of your child, don’t get too preoccupied with the details. I promise you, even if you deliver vaginally you will find something to be disappointed about (the waterbirth water was not as warm as you hoped/the exact Enya song you always imagined hadn’t played yet/the candles wouldn’t stay lit, etc.) Sadly, that is how us moms are – we are always looking for what we could have done better. And truly we build up the birth of our child so much in our heads that it is pretty much impossible to meet our own expecations that we envision. I know my husband was certainly not the teary-eyed giddy new dad telling me how amazing I was – he was usually cursing at the camera settings or kept asking me with a horrified face “Can you feel THAT!?” as he turned a shade of green.
In the long run, (you know in about 2 years when all the “baby” does is throw himself on the floor of the supermarket or hurl spegetti at you) none of this will matter to you - I promise. The only thing you could truly regret is not enjoying every moment of those first few blissful days, not that your little “angel” came into this world this way or that way. Trust us, there is plenty of time for regret…It’s called the toddler years!
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Thank you so much for writing this. I came upon it completely by accident and am very glad I did. I had an elective c section after being told that my son was large (10lb 7oz 2 weeks early) and because of his body shape (belly bigger than his head) presented a risk of getting stuck half way out and both of us having a terrible time. I had all sorts of judgmental bollocks thrown at me from a bunch of competitive new Mummies at a group I attended and had to defend myself and my decisions to the point of near exhaustion before throwing a tantrum at them in a nice Italian restaurant and thus bidding them adieu. Anyway, I very much enjoyed your writing and appreciated your sisterly supportiveness so again thankyou and I wish you and your family well. Aoife